If you’re like me (and a bazillion other readers), one of the big deciding factors for you in whether or not you pick up a book is the quality of its story description–its back cover copy–its blurb. But let me tell you–these puppies are tough to write. And that’s where you come in!
As I’m sailing towards the December release for my historical/dieselpunk novel Storming, I’m toiling away in the trenches, working on creating a story description that hits all the high points without giving away anything too drastic. At the moment, and with the help of my very awesome beta feedback crew (Linda, Lorna, Liberty, London, Johne, Becca, Angela, and Kerry!), I’ve narrowed the choices down to three slightly different blurbs.
The problem? At this point, I have zero objectivity about which is actually the more exciting, gripping, and convincing. So allow me to borrow your fresh eyes and brains, yes? After all, you, my fantabulous readers, are exactly the people these blurbs are supposed to be talking to!
Tell me: which of the following three blurbs talks to you? If you had no idea who this K.M. Weiland person was, which would be most likely to convince you to pick up the book? After you’ve voted in the poll widget at the bottom of the post, please leave me a note with any further suggestions for amazing improvements!
Storming Story Description #1
In the high-flying and heady world of 1920s aviation, brash pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right in front of his biplane. Eccentric Jael demands he give her a ride back home . . . to the clouds. Hitch thinks she’s crazy—until he nearly crashes his plane into a mysterious airship during a bizarre storm. Now he must find a way to stop an onslaught of dangerous tempests and mysterious enemies from wreaking havoc on the Nebraska hometown he fled nine years ago. Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a rousing historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Storming Story Description #2
In the high-flying, heady world of 1920s aviation, roving pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right smack in front of his biplane. As fearless as she is peculiar, Jael proves she’s game for just about anything, including wing-walking in his struggling airshow. In return, she demands a ride back home . . . to the clouds.
Hitch thinks she’s nuts—until he steers his plane into the midst of a bizarre storm and nearly crashes into a strange airship that sure as gravy has no business sharing the sky with him. Caught between a corrupt sheriff and the threat of dangerous new enemies from above, Hitch must find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, and save his Nebraska hometown from storm-wielding sky pirates.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a jaunty historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Storming Story Description #3
Being a barnstorming biplane pilot in the heady, high-flying world of 1920s aviation teaches a guy to be ready for just about anything. But a crazy dame in an old-fashioned ball gown falling straight out of the sky in front of his plane? That’s enough to send even brash adventurer Hitch Hitchcock’s world into a barrel roll.
The only reason he’s back in his Nebraska hometown—nine years after beating it out of there with a corrupt sheriff on his tail—is for the biggest airshow of the year. Clean up in the competition, keep his crew in gas and grub, and maybe make things right with the family he left behind, that’s more than enough to worry Hitch.
But then the fearless and peculiar Jael insists he take her back to home to the clouds. He thinks she’s plumb nuts—until he nearly crashes right smack into a mysterious airship like none he’s ever run afoul, an airship with the power to control the weather. That’s when his worries get a whole lot bigger.
Faced with the choice of helping Jael face down storm-wielding sky pirates bent on destroying his home—or once again flying out on his estranged family and losing his last chance at reconciliation, Hitch must put his hotshot skills to good use before everything he cares about is gusted away.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a jaunty historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
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An Exclusive Interview With Storming Heroine Jael
An Exclusive Interview With Storming Pilot Hitch Hitchcock
Psst, There Just Might Be a Dreamlander Sequel in the Works!
One question – where is the pre-order button? Seriously, this sounds absolutely amazing, and I was captivated by all of your descriptions. I voted for Description 2 because I think it has the goldilocks persona of mentally illustrating that world but leaving enough space for intrigue to flourish. The only one key element I would have added from Description 3, is that the airship controls the weather. That one line is such a kicker, and just gives a little more flavour to the type of threat looming over his old hometown.
The opening paragraph of “ride back home… to the clouds,” gave me goose-pimples, and married with a combo of sky-pirates in the 1920s, is such a visually rich idea.
The pre-order button is comin’! Release is scheduled for December. Thanks very much for the feedback. It’s always exciting to hear that readers are excited too! 😀
Fantastic, what a treat for xmas!!
Don’t forget to tell Santa. 😉
This has to be one of the most original ideas I’ve heard in a while. I really want to read this. I was torn between one and two, but I eventually went with two. It gives more of an idea of what the threat is without giving too much away.
It’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had with a book, so I definitely hope readers get to experience that as well!
I think the first one is the best. It’s just long enough to pique curiosity, without being too long and giving anything away. But all the descriptions got me excited to read this book! 🙂
That’s what we like to hear. 😀 Thanks for the feedback!
I like #1 for two reasons: It’s short. That’s important and this line: Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a rousing historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Woot! Thanks, Joy. 🙂
I agree with Joy on he shortness of #1. To make it even better though, add the bit about “storm-wielding sky pirates” (when people see the word pirates, they get excited). Lastly, the piece I had no idea about, the bit about the airship with the power to control the weather. I think those two things together (on top of an already good plot line) add a mystery and an excitement that’s unique and interesting! Good job Katie 🙂
Thanks! I’m fond of that “storm-wielding sky pirates” line myself, so I’ll definitely stick it into whichever version I end up going with.
I choose number. Short and concise, just like me.
Number one, I presume? 🙂 Thanks, Alicia!
I’ve read through 1/2 of this novel and it’s great, I love it. I like #1, except for the word “eccentric.” Although the definition of “eccentric” describes Jael, the word as it’s often used today conjures up an old geezer, at least in my mind. Maybe replace it with “mysterious” or something else.
Yeah, I’m struggling to find a single adjective that sums up all Jael’s many quirks. :p Maybe just “quirky”? And I’m so glad you’re enjoying the ARC! 😀
I liked #2 because it was more specific and gripping about the conflict. It told us some of the really cool elements: wing-walking, estranged family, hint of romance, and sky pirates.
Personally I would take out the phrase “sure as gravy”–it feels like it’s overdoing the flavor, and I think I could get the tone of the story without it. 🙂
I’m writing back cover copy for one sheets. I can sympathize with the struggle!
Three’s a charm! You’re the third person, I think, you has disliked the “gravy” bit–so it’s gone. Have fun with your one sheets. 😉
Instead of “as sure as gravy,” how about, “as sure as gravity?”
That’s good!
Hi, K! I was deciding between the first and second one. I absolutely did not like the third one. I ultimately chose the first one because I think the second one is too wordy. But I also think the first one is missing a couple of key components that can really hook your prospective readers. Like, for example, the airplane that can control the weather (interesting concept!) and the corrupt sheriff. And actually, there is conflict between him and his family and with himself, trying to battle his heart before he falls in love with this girl. Anytime you can introduce more conflict and obstacles for the MC to overcome in the description, that can only be a good thing. Right? So, I took the liberty of sort of combining them a little. Hope that’s okay.
In the high-flying and heady world of 1920s aviation, brash pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right in front of his biplane. Eccentric Jael demands he give her a ride back home . . . to the clouds.
Hitch thinks she’s crazy—until he nearly crashes his plane into a mysterious airship with the power to control the weather during a bizarre storm. Caught between a corrupt sheriff and the threat of dangerous new enemies from above, Hitch must find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, and save his Nebraska hometown he fled years ago from storm-wielding sky pirates.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a rousing historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
This is great! Thank you, Patrick. Very helpful.
Hi Kattie
The first thing that came to mind while reading the alternative blurbs was Susan Sarandon’s scene in “The Great Waldo Pepper” when she falls to her death while attempting a wing walk.
I had to look up what Diesel Punk is. If I picked up the book in store, I would have been hooked until I read that the novel was “a jaunty historical/dieselpunk mash-up”.
I think the books plot has the potential to appeal to a wide audience. I think that it would be a marketing mistake to lock it into one genre.
The third blurb is best. It just needs to be rewritten in a way that does not shut out readers who would otherwise buy the novel.
I am someone who uses your books to navigate their way through the architecture of writing.
My one concern in marketing this book is that I don’t want readers to mistakenly believe it’s straight historical. It’s *mostly* historical, but has a definite speculative thread–hence the dieselpunk (which is basically just World War-era steampunk tech).
I agree with what you say. You can’t ignore the fans of diesel punk. Just don’t off the readers who are not part of the diesel punk subculture but would still enjoy the book. The blurb should be written in such a way that readers who don’t know what diesel punk is want to read the book and find out what it is all about.
I was torn between 2 & 3, but chose 3 even tho it’s the longest because it gave more intriguing information without revealing too much of the story. It explains Hitch’s multiple conflicts, infuses a significant challenge, and makes you want to learn how he handles the whole thing without getting blown out of the sky. And the last paragraph is a gem.
Thanks. Gems, we like. 😉
I chose #2 because, as beautifully brief as #1 is, it confused me – I didn’t get from #1 that Jael *was* the eccentric person who insisted that Hitch give her a ride home, it sounded to me like you were introducing Jael as a third person who was in a position to make demands on Hitch. I also think the sky pirates, the estranged family, and the airshow wing-walking should appear in the blurb. I would read it based on any of these, but I would move it up higher on my TBR list based on #2.
Confusion definitely isn’t what we’re going for! So that’s a super-useful bit of advice.
You’ve edited the first two since I last read them and made them better. I now like #2 the best. The only thing I’d change would be the line, “In return, she demands a ride back home . . . to the clouds” to “In return FOR HER HELP, she demands a ride back home . . . to the clouds.”
In contrast to another comment, I like the “sure as gravy” line, because it “sure as gravy” fits Hitch’s personality.
Even better than the third one? 🙂
You revised the second one since the first time I read it, and it’s much better. With this revision, yes, #2 is my favorite. 🙂
Good to know. 🙂
#3 would be my second choice.
Okay, while I liked #2 the best, I actually feel like you had some great stuff in all three blurbs. I didn’t do a great job of it, but I took a second to mash up the parts that I liked best into this description, which would make me buy the book–and I don’t even read steampunk or fantasy!
In the heady, high-flying world of 1920s aviation, brash roving pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right in front of his biplane. As fearless as she is peculiar, the young woman, Jael, proves she’s game for just about anything—including wing-walking in his struggling airshow. In return, she demands a ride back home . . . to the clouds.
Hitch thinks she’s nuts—until he steers his plane into the midst of a bizarre storm and nearly crashes into a mysterious airship like none he’s ever seen. Caught between a corrupt sheriff and the threat of dangerous new enemies from above, Hitch must deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, and use his hotshot piloting skills to save his Nebraska hometown from storm-wielding sky pirates.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a rousing historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Thanks, Linda! That’s super helpful. What I’d definitely like to do is choose the best blurb and then combine the better elements of all three into it.
sounds awesome! yes #1 is short, but #2 really gripped me. combines a lot of information into what is still a fairly short description. definitely not #3 for me, no offense, but it was a bit too long and didn’t flow as well (and i think i saw a typo or 2 in that one – just a heads up in case you happen to go with it) – so yeah, #2 is definitely my pick. love that one. good luck!
Boo, typos! Thanks, Kylie!
I chose Number 1 over Number 2 solely because the last sentence in paragraph Number 2 was just off putting as revealing too much [or maybe it was just too long] in a blah manner, in my opinion. That sentence:
Caught between a corrupt sheriff and the threat of dangerous new enemies from above, Hitch must find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, and save his Nebraska hometown from storm-wielding sky pirates.
Thanks! You’re not the only one who commented on that, so I’ll definitely take notice.
I much prefer number 3. I don’t find length a problem in a blurb. I like more info rather than less when I’m deciding on a new book. I ALWAYS click the “read more” button on Amazon. 🙂
Things I love: the detail about the “old-fashioned ball gown” gives me an instant glimpse into the relative time difference; the detail about how he left town offers an intriguing hint to Hitch’s character that the other versions lack; the stakes described are much clearer, especially “once again flying out on his estranged family and losing his LAST CHANCE at reconciliation,” “sky pirates bent on DESTROYING HIS HOME” and “before EVERYTHING HE CARES ABOUT is gusted away.”
Suggestions: As another commenter mentioned, it isn’t clear that Jael is the dame in the ball gown. Also, the expression is, I believe “run afoul [of].” You could maybe cut “in front of his plane.” I think having “plumb nuts” and “right smack” in the same sentence is a bit of overkill with the colloquialisms.
The book sounds wonderful. Can’t wait to see it on sale!
Thank you! This is really helpful in knowing what’s working and what’s not.
I really loved #2!! I really liked the description of Jael where we learn she’s “game for just about anything, including wing-walking in his struggling airshow”. I found #3 a bit too long, and not as punchy as #2. I found #1 a little too short / vague. For example, “dangerous tempests and mysterious enemies” didn’t pique my curiosity as much as “a corrupt sheriff” and “storm-wielding sky pirates” from blurb #2. The only thing that I might change about #2 was the phrase “sure as gravy”, which sort of stuck out for me. Great job!
“Gravy” is a catch word for the protagonist, but I wasn’t sure if it would make sense out of the overall context of the book. So thanks for the feedback on that!
I like Number 3, but would delete the following phrases:
—nine years after beating it out of there with a corrupt sheriff on his tail—
That’s when his worries get a whole lot bigger.
They don’t really add to the blurb and took me out of the story picture you were painting.
Thanks! Appreciate the feedback. I wondered about that bit.
Blurb 1 and 2 are hard to decide between. I chose number one, because it keeps the description short and sweet.
Blurb #1 has always been my gut’s go-to favorite, so it’s nice to have that backed up!
I really like the first one. It’s just concise enough and teases at a lot which I like, whereas the other ones in my opinion reveal a little more, a bit more details…just my opinion. 🙂
Everybody loves a tease. 😉
I voted for ‘1’ because it is concise and gives enough detail to grab my attention. I found the others too distracting and waffly. The book sounds really interesting will keep my eye out for it when it is released.
Thanks, Helen! I hope you enjoy it when it comes out!