If you’re like me (and a bazillion other readers), one of the big deciding factors for you in whether or not you pick up a book is the quality of its story description–its back cover copy–its blurb. But let me tell you–these puppies are tough to write. And that’s where you come in!
As I’m sailing towards the December release for my historical/dieselpunk novel Storming, I’m toiling away in the trenches, working on creating a story description that hits all the high points without giving away anything too drastic. At the moment, and with the help of my very awesome beta feedback crew (Linda, Lorna, Liberty, London, Johne, Becca, Angela, and Kerry!), I’ve narrowed the choices down to three slightly different blurbs.
The problem? At this point, I have zero objectivity about which is actually the more exciting, gripping, and convincing. So allow me to borrow your fresh eyes and brains, yes? After all, you, my fantabulous readers, are exactly the people these blurbs are supposed to be talking to!
Tell me: which of the following three blurbs talks to you? If you had no idea who this K.M. Weiland person was, which would be most likely to convince you to pick up the book? After you’ve voted in the poll widget at the bottom of the post, please leave me a note with any further suggestions for amazing improvements!
Storming Story Description #1
In the high-flying and heady world of 1920s aviation, brash pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right in front of his biplane. Eccentric Jael demands he give her a ride back home . . . to the clouds. Hitch thinks she’s crazy—until he nearly crashes his plane into a mysterious airship during a bizarre storm. Now he must find a way to stop an onslaught of dangerous tempests and mysterious enemies from wreaking havoc on the Nebraska hometown he fled nine years ago. Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a rousing historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Storming Story Description #2
In the high-flying, heady world of 1920s aviation, roving pilot Robert “Hitch” Hitchcock’s life does a barrel roll when a young woman falls from the sky right smack in front of his biplane. As fearless as she is peculiar, Jael proves she’s game for just about anything, including wing-walking in his struggling airshow. In return, she demands a ride back home . . . to the clouds.
Hitch thinks she’s nuts—until he steers his plane into the midst of a bizarre storm and nearly crashes into a strange airship that sure as gravy has no business sharing the sky with him. Caught between a corrupt sheriff and the threat of dangerous new enemies from above, Hitch must find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, and save his Nebraska hometown from storm-wielding sky pirates.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a jaunty historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
Storming Story Description #3
Being a barnstorming biplane pilot in the heady, high-flying world of 1920s aviation teaches a guy to be ready for just about anything. But a crazy dame in an old-fashioned ball gown falling straight out of the sky in front of his plane? That’s enough to send even brash adventurer Hitch Hitchcock’s world into a barrel roll.
The only reason he’s back in his Nebraska hometown—nine years after beating it out of there with a corrupt sheriff on his tail—is for the biggest airshow of the year. Clean up in the competition, keep his crew in gas and grub, and maybe make things right with the family he left behind, that’s more than enough to worry Hitch.
But then the fearless and peculiar Jael insists he take her back to home to the clouds. He thinks she’s plumb nuts—until he nearly crashes right smack into a mysterious airship like none he’s ever run afoul, an airship with the power to control the weather. That’s when his worries get a whole lot bigger.
Faced with the choice of helping Jael face down storm-wielding sky pirates bent on destroying his home—or once again flying out on his estranged family and losing his last chance at reconciliation, Hitch must put his hotshot skills to good use before everything he cares about is gusted away.
Cocky, funny, and full of heart, Storming is a jaunty historical/dieselpunk mash-up that combines rip-roaring adventure and small-town charm with the thrill of futuristic possibilities.
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An Exclusive Interview With Storming Heroine Jael
An Exclusive Interview With Storming Pilot Hitch Hitchcock
Psst, There Just Might Be a Dreamlander Sequel in the Works!
Um, how long does moderating a comment take? 🙂
Hah. Depends how fast I see it. 😉
I really liked #1, and wavered between feeling “eh” and dislike about the other two. I like the brevity of the first one, it seems snappier and more to the point, but doesn’t give too much away. #2 and 3 were just a little too wordy, I think.
I’m partial to brevity too. Plus it’s crazy how fast you run out of space on a back cover!
Did you provide the blurb writers with standardized openings and endings? Or, were their exactly identical word choices and sentence structures mere happenstance? No. 3 was, in my humble opinion, the best-written, most mysterious and intriguing, and painted the most vivid imagery that made me want to know more and “get into” the story of these characters and find out what the hell was going on in the ’20’s in Nebraska!
Crazy stuff, that’s what’s going on. 😉 And, yes, the second blurb is basically just a fleshed-out version of the first.
I really liked #2 except that “rip-roaring adventure” is a cliche. https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=rip-roaring%20synonym
Point. I really like “rip-roaring,” so I’ll try to find something to replace “adventure.”
I definitely like the flow of #2 the best overall (and voted as such), but I’m not crazy about the list format of this part: “Hitch must find a way to gain forgiveness from his estranged family, deliver Jael safely home before she flies off with his freewheeling heart, and save his Nebraska hometown from storm-wielding sky pirates.”
Someone probably already suggested some fabulous alternative. 😉
Thanks for chiming in, Perry! I’ll definitely consider that.
Number two had the strongest pull for me, but I did like the brevity of number one. Some thoughts:
Read aloud, there seems to be a repetitive rhythm in number two that might be improved by varying sentence length and eliminating extra clauses.
I thought the “As fearless as she was peculiar…” sentence was much clearer than the description of Jael in number one.
If the “…new enemies from above” are the “…storm wielding sky pirates,” moving that phrase to after “…sheriff and” instead of the general description would tighten up the sentence.
The final paragraph is beautifully worded, but it misses two opportunities.
It needs to pull in the reader. If the sentence were rewritten as a WIIFM, using the same description, it would do the trick.
It should link to other works, optimally yours or at least to popular examples in the genre. Adding something like “From the author of Dawn, Storming proves again that Weiland delivers great stories.” Ya know, but not as weak.
Thanks! Great point on “WIIFM”!
Hi K, I liked # 3 as it provided a clearer pipeline for the story. This is the one that would have hooked me in. This “crazy dame in an old-fashioned ball gown” was delightful and provided some context. I am partial to the clear reason he’s in his hometown after 9 years. I did not want to think too hard and problem solve at this stage, within the covers, yes by all means.
Clear pipelines are definitely a plus! Thank you!
I definitely like #3 best, #2 second best and #1 least.
#1 & #2 feel very… obvious… to me, like dialogue that’s too “on the nose”.
#3 Gives a hint of the story that’s going to unfold without giving away the specifics, the parts we’re only going to care about once we’ve invested in reading it – (like the wing-walking)
From the excellent characterization in #3, I could see wing walking as a very “Jael” thing to do, but actually spelling it out tells too much about the activities of the story, which dampens the intrigue of wondering “what is this going to mean for Hitch. (Or Jael, or whatever other characters we’ll come to know and love)”. Yes, the mysterious airship needs to be mentioned, but that’s different because it presents some huge questions! Wing walking is something that happens *in* the story, but it doesn’t make me curious about anything else.
#3 pulls you in. I can see who the characters *are* and I’m already interested in them, without knowing too much of the story.
Reading some of the other comments, I’d say conciseness is nice, but I wouldn’t sacrifice the magnetism of #3.
Thanks! I appreciate your spelling out what worked for you and what didn’t. That’s very helpful!
For me, it was a close call between #1 and #2. What pushed me in favour of #2 was this phrase: “before she flies off with his freewheeling heart” – I guess I’m a sucker for cocky pilots and strong-willed, mysterious women. (Han & Leia, Atton Rand & Jedi Exile… Even Rufus & Goal from Deponia). #3 was in no way bad, however I found the language as a little bit of a stumbling block for a blurb. The middle one flows the best, and it definitely caught my attention.
Thanks! Definitely good to know which line particularly connected with you.
I chose the third blurb because it was clear concise and to the point, it really did pull me in and I wanted to read more.
That’s the goal here. 🙂 Thanks, Phillip!
Number two, without question. For one thing, it’s clear who Jael is in that one. 😀 We also get her personality, which is crucial.
Thanks, Ruthanne! Gonna have to make sure her identity is clear in whichever of the three I end up with.
100% blurb number one. It’s short and to the point and makes me curious to read more. In our short-attention world, I think it would grab me because I’m trying to find a book quickly on a plane or in bed. I’d definitely sample it and probably buy it.
It’ll fit better on the back cover too, so that’s a definite plus!
Hi everyone,
I prefer #1 but there is a disturbing revelation in #3, ‘an airship with the power to control the weather’. In my humble opinion it increases the importance of the threat without revealing too much.
For instance:
…until during a bizarre storm he nearly crashes his plane into a mysterious airship with the power to control the weather.
Now he must find a way to stop an onslaught of dangerous tempests and mysterious enemies from wreaking havoc…
It works enough for me. I prefer a story description that hooks me, but keeps the mystery. Facing the menace we know we have a brash character, at this point I’m already interested.
You pose an interesting issue here, because I recognize that many people need a wider description.
Thanks a lot for sharing your desciption and letting us participate.
Thanks, Berni! My task today is to take everyone’s suggestions and combine them into the single best blurb. #1 is winning so far, but it’s a close race.
Description 1.
This was unclear to me. Did she fall past the plane? Was he airborne? Who is Jael? Oh, right, the woman.
Description 2.
I suppose she fell ON the plane, and he was indeed flying. “In front of” confuses me. Her demanding that he help her out was part of a deal they made, rather than just… a demand – good. There’s a budding romance between Jael and Hitch – that makes them both more interesting. ‘Storm wielding sky pirates’ – cool!
Description 3
A bit wordy, but still preferred it to Description 1.
Last sentence in all three descriptions ends them on a rather dry note. Didn’t work for me.
Description 2 was easily the best, though perhaps it could be condensed a bit more. It made me exited to read the book.
Thank you! Blurb #2, it is, by popular consent.
Blurb 1, without a doubt – I especially liked the “brash pilot” character description (I think I’ve already fallen in love with him, haha). Option 1 gives just enough detail to whet the appetite and get me thinking, “This book sounds great, I really, really want to read this!”
The other two were also good but were full of spoilers, such as the reason he’s back in his hometown, an airship with the power to control the weather. These are the kind of plot details I want to discover on my own, and I get put off reading a book when too much is revealed in the blurb, to the extent that I have decided against reading books which I’d been really looking forward to, but which gave away plot points in the blurb.
As it is, I’m actively trying to forget the spoilerific parts of the blurbs so that I can fully immerse myself in your book when I read it 🙂
*casts amnesia spell* to help you forget. 😉
Hi,
guess you wanna know, why I voted for #2.
Here it is.
#1 is kind of vague and doesn’t arouse much interest in me,
#3 goes way too much into detail and therefore rather irritates me,
but #2 is about right concerning the length and depth of the information given to a prospective buyer of the book.
At least thats my first impression.
Regards
Siegmar
Thanks, Siegmar! #2 it is!